Cycle of Violence

1. Abuse-The abuser lashes out with aggressive, violent & raging behavior.  The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim "who is boss & who is in control"

2. Guilt-After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilty, but not over what he/she has done to the victim.  The guilt is over the possibility of getting caught & facing consequences.

3.Retaliation & excuses-The abuser rationalizes what he/she has done.  He/she may come up with various excuses or blame the the victim for his/her abusive behavior-he/she may try to shift the responsibility on the victim.  "They may say that it is your fault that I acted this way toward you." or You had it coming to you."

4.Normal Behavior-The abuser does everything he/she can to regain control & keep the victim in the relationship.  He/she may act as if nothing has happened, or turn on the charm.  This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has changed or stop his/her behavior.

5. Fantasy & planning-The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing the victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what the victim has done and how he/she is going to pay.  Then the abuser makes a plan of how he/she is going to make the fantasy of abuse a reality.

6. Setup-The abuser sets up the victim & puts his/her plan into motion, creating a situation where he/she can justify abusing the victim

This information about the cycle of abuse can be found at: www.helpguide.org/domestic violence

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233